One Step Closer
by taliesin1
Summary: A remark from Vivian prompts Jack to think about happiness.


Disclaimer: Characters belong to the wonderful Hank, definitely not me, I just borrow them. 

A/N: Don't know exactly what I think of this, spent a lot of time writing and re-writing until I finally just decided to post it at is. Make of it what you will. 

Dedication: To the wonderful Maple Street forum, for making me really sit down and appreciate this wonderful show and its characters.   
  


**One Step Closer **

  
  


She was reading: probably a report of some kind or someone's statement. She had a pen in her right hand and was slowly rocking it back and forth between her fingers, sometimes slightly biting on the end of it. She had always done that. He could remember watching her do it back when she had just joined the unit. Most of him didn't want her to look up, to see him watching her, but a part of him did, for her to look back at him. 

'Jack?' He had forgotten Vivian was standing in his office. 

' … Yeah.' Jack managed to pull his gaze away from her. It was harder than he would ever admit. 

'How are things going with your wife?' She asked the question gently. 

Jack looked up at her, it wasn't what they had been talking about earlier, but then Vivian would have had to have been blind to have not figured out where he was looking. 

'It's going fine,' he replied. 

What else could he say? That he had been more regularly sleeping on the couch than in their bed? That the only good thing was that he regularly got to see the girls before he went to sleep and that the only thing that had changed with Marie from before was that he now lived under the same roof…

And he didn't have Samantha any more; he didn't have her at all. 

'I can hear the enthusiasm in your voice,' Vivian said sarcastically, though not un-kindly. 

'Did this visit have a point, Viv? Or did you just stop by to beat up on me like everyone else?' 

He knew what he had done was 'wrong.' He had been telling himself a million times since he had ended it. That this was the 'right thing', that this is what he 'should' be doing. He didn't need someone else to remind him that, even if it was Viv. 

She looked taken aback, 'Hey, I was just asking. Sorry for taking an interest. I'll go back to work, the DNA lab should have our test results back soon anyway,' she moved towards the door. 

He sighed to himself, he hadn't mean to snap at her, 'Viv?' 

Vivian turned around.

'I'm sorry. Things are just … a little tense right now.' 

She nodded. 'It's okay. Remember, I'm here if you need me,' she gave him a small smile.

He smiled back, just slightly. 'Yeah. Thanks.' 

Jack looked back down at the report he was supposed to have been reading. 

'Jack?' 

Vivian was still standing in his doorway. He looked up at her inquiringly. 

'You were happier before.' 

Before what? He looked into her eyes and realised what she knew. He answered honestly, 'No, I wasn't.' 

Happy? No, he hadn't been happy. Confused? Conflicted? Definitely. In love? Absolutely. But, happy? Content? At ease? No, Jack hadn't been any of those things. He loved Samantha, and he loved being in love with her, she had added some much needed light to his day, she had made him smile … but in the end she had just confused him. And he certainly wasn't happy with Marie. Without the entanglements, without the secrets … then maybe he would be happy, but then, would what he and Sam had still be the same without them? 

Vivian reconsidered, 'No, okay, maybe you weren't happy, but then you weren't like this either…' 

'What are you saying … ?' 

'I'm not saying anything. I don't necessarily approve of what you and Samantha had, and I know, before you object, it isn't my place to approve or disapprove of it, but in the end … I just want to see you happy, Jack.' 

She looked at him for a moment and then walked out of the room, calling to Martin and asking him if the DNA results were back yet. 

Jack still sat at his desk.

It was the first time she had admitted to knowing. Sam had always told him that she knew but he had never really accepted it, until now. Vivian wasn't one to gossip around the office, but then, she always knew what was going on at the same time. 

Jack had never thought the choice was simple and he had never treated it as such. 

The girls had always been a factor. He loved them more than life its self, but didn't they deserve to have a mother and father that weren't constantly fighting, that weren't yelling, and meals at a table that wasn't fraught with tension … even if that meant that their parents had to live apart? Didn't his girls deserve to see at least some sort of affection between their parents instead of something that could generously be called indifference? 

As for Marie, he had loved her once, and he had thought that surely there was some part of the person he had fallen in love with still there, waiting for him to rediscover it. But now, after nearly four months of attempted 'rediscovery' he was only finding more pain and more things that just weren't there any more.

He was looking at his wife and comparing her with Samantha. 

He pulled himself out of his chair and walked out of his office. She was talking to Danny now, gesturing with her hands as she spoke, obviously trying to make a point about something in the investigation, something she felt strongly about. He smiled a little as he watched her and walked over to them.

'How's it going?' He asked in a sober and professional tone, but there was a slight note in his voice and a small look in his eye that betrayed him, but only just. 

Sam looked him, straight into his eyes, a small smile playing on her lips, barely noticeable, but there and Jack felt himself fall for her all over again. 'Danny and I were just going over the father's statements, something doesn't add up ….' 

He could be happy with Samantha; he knew it. Nothing was ever going to be perfect, and no happiness would ever be total ... but with her things might be just that step closer. 

  
  
  
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